You Don’t Know Your On fire Until You’re Put Out.

Have you ever examined your life from a third person perspective and thought: “Well what the hell is going on over there?”

That’s kind of where I am. I’m beginning to resent college, a lot. I like the idea of learning; but, I don’t like the idea of vying for attention to get a piece of paper that’s not going to do me much good anyway.

It feels like everyone around me is stuck in a world that I either don’t understand or can’t respect. I feel on one hand that I’m better than them; but, on the other hand that my sense of “better” is strange and misplaced. I understand humor, and I understand education; but, something in that equation is frustrating me beyond belief.

Don’t get me wrong; there are a lot of talented people at my college and there are a good amount of people to respect and admire; however, there always seems to be some kind of cost.
Everyone I meet seems to have some sort of fatal flaw. It’s nothing that’s insane by the standards of human nature; but, usually they are general ‘deal breakers’ for me.

For example: There’s this guy who’s been interested in me for about a little over a year and a half now. He’s a bright, funny, artistic guy whom I share a mutual attraction for and at one point considered to be someone I could bond with in a close and maybe sometimes intimate way. Well after confessing that he had feelings for me and that there was nothing either of us could do about it; we decided we’d just be friends and support each other. Not long after he simply vanished from my life. He stopped returning phone calls; he stopped messaging me, he seemingly vanished from campus, the works. At first I admit i was very put off by this; but, not long after I got over it and put the guy out of my mind. Not that long ago he suddenly comes back and is attempting to continue where he left off without addressing the issue of what happened; and why he would ignore someone he was so deeply in tune with. “Well that’s just the person I am” was his answer. Whatever. So I attempt to appease things and suggest that maybe we should just catch up and see what happens from there; but, that I wouldn’t be patient enough to tolerate another display like the last one and he essentially relayed that he understood.

Well of course he vanished again and it didn’t piss me off as much as it made me feel stupid. I saw him yesterday and apparently my “Boyfriend” is convinced that the guy wouldn’t stop staring at me and was seemingly trying to subtly get my attention.

That irks me; I don’t see why someone just can’t FEIGN interest in the life of someone they claim to care so much about. How can one be so smart and so creative and so “in tune” and then be such a complete ass-wipe at the same time?

Elsewhere I’m stressing out over the finals I have to do; this is what I mean about being upset with college. This year I’ve done some good work, work that has more than proved that I was serious about my classes (or at least I was more than serious about appearing more than serious about my classes)but, none of that means anything because if I fail my finals then I fail my classes. What’s the sense of going all year long then? I could be bumming around seeing the Pretenders or not cutting my losses in finding a job because no one wants to hire me because I’m in school.

My “Boyfriend” is always sick; I mean 6 out of the 7 days of the week this fucking guy has got some kind of ailment. He’s like a whole season of “House”. At first it’s just a little scary, you know you care for someone and they get sick, that can be really nerve wracking. But when it’s every fucking day; you get tired of trying to make this person better. PLUS they don’t ever listen to anything you say or do anything; they just follow you around like the dragon fly in Spyro the Dragon and allow you to do things for them. It’s fun when you’re in love until you start to have to shovel the shit out of the yard. I’m just sick of everyday “I feel bad” “I have to go to the E.R.” it’s not like he has a disease, that we know of, it’s just random shit happening all the time and since I’m seemingly the only one who cares enough to take care of him; I’m expected to drop my life and take care of him. But I don’t want to have to do that all the time. I want to enjoy myself, I want to go out and have fun, I want someone to think of me every once in a while when it’s not my birthday and take me to do something that I like doing. But sometimes, some people don’t get those privileges. Sometimes we just got to be the toilet and not the shitter.

I picked up The Dark Knight on DVD yesterday and watched it last night after class, and I have to say the movie is just as good the twenty billionth time as it was the first time.

The Pretenders are coming to town on the 30th of January and I will, hopefully, be fortunate enough to go to the show and have another night of bliss with my favorite band of all time. This will be the first time I’ve seen the new band in some non-promotion show doing a whole set, so it should be fairly interesting to see how that turns out.

The other idea is that there doesn’t really seem to be anybody reading this blog and this has become more therapeutic than informative, which I can understand. Who really gives a flying fuck about what I do in my spare time (which is nothing to begin with); but, if you are interested in seeing me happy and putting a smile on my face for the time being, won’t you leave a comment and let me know that you visited? That’d be a nice surprise, unless of course your my “Boyfriend” I don’t want you to leave a comment because I force you to read this crap anyway.

Until next time…

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3 Responses to “You Don’t Know Your On fire Until You’re Put Out.”

  1. Pooh, You are like the rest of us. You are a giver, and it is hard to trust when you don’t get back what you give. You seek adventure in you life like the rest of us. You ARE good at what you do! Okay, you need to learn the secrets of getting though finals. I can help you with that one. I will send it by email. It brought me up from a 2.8 to 4.0 at the end. If a mentally challanged (you know what I really want to say) like me can do it. YOU CAN! I love your articles. They are informative, and emotionally charged. You have the Christmas BLAAAHHH! You should go on a “Walk around” and take a break from shool, and go somewhere foreign like I am now! You look at your old world a different way, and then know how to deal with it when you get back. Hang in there buddy! Chin up! “the world is a buffet, and most poor suckers are starving”! Ciao for now! Your Pretender buddy Phillip j

  2. Ok, I just gotta say this one thing.. the guy, who leaves ur life again and again is so in love with you.. that is why he goes.. he wants to see if u need him, miss him enough and when he feels you don’t he comes back and then went back to see whether you miss him now… so u see.. its a pretty simple pattern in most guys…

  3. Hey there.. sorry i had forgot i had even written this comment..
    so what do u think? u know abt that guy?

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