Review: Transformers 2: Revenge Of The Fallen

Big Budget, Small Thinking

If it don't blow up, make it!

Oh god, it’s that time of the year again, the sweltering heat, the undeniable urge to run out of the city, the lack of air conditioning and of course the million dollar budget movie with no plot whatsoever.

Fulfilling this years requirement for the latter is Michael Bay’s Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen. With critic reviews as scathing as they come in this business Revenge proves to be critic proof, the huge success of the first film and the legion of die hard fans of the cartoon series ensured that this film would be a huge success but, what did that mean for the idea that the movie would be banal and without any REAL substance? It meant of course it was true! Michael Bay is able to take a relatively good story of intergalactic war into a two and a half hour orgy of explosions, kiddie jokes and some off-‘colour’ (pun intended) humor. Revenge of the Fallen is a movie that doesn’t try to be any better than a series of high gloss special effects and moment after moment of over the top self righteous explosions.

The action is high paced and never ending making it at least purely a summer action movie and at best an annoying two and a half hours of Shia lawhogivesadamn running around trying not to get killed (probably both in character and as himself) from Michael Bay’s Myriad of explosions.

The story is almost nonexistent, following some crazy idea that Sam (Shia Labouf) has miraculously incurred the location of a hidden gem the Transformers hid in Egypt some umpteen million years ago. All to stop the first Transformer known only known, cryptically, as “The Fallen” (now the name has a double Meaning!) from reactivating a machine that will blow up the sun and give the Fallen energy to do something that is inevitably not good for any of our hero characters and something something something….darkside.

Its amazing how much this film can try to beat out a plot that’s not there, symbols and military units and Transformations that seem like a lego factory has exploded right before your eyes. The film doesn’t take time to pace itself at any point, its gratuitous CGI effected fight scene after gratuitous CGI effected fight scene. Its all fun in the start because the CGI is horribly good but, after two hours of almost non-stop explosions you kinda want a moment of peace and quiet to take in all the chaos Michael Bay has constructed (if one can accuse of him of actually having a plan in this movie)

The acting is…well its Shia Labauf and Megan Fox in the leads so this isn’t going to be Citizen Kane, they’re acting which is good but, not very well which is…bad. Most of their lines consist of screaming the others name  I can imagine the screenplay for this film: “SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAM!”  Yells Megan Fox “MikaelAAAAAaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” yells Shia, then the biggest Effin Explosion you’ve seen in your LIFE! The supporting actors…support, though they’re useless to the nonexistent story anyway so who really gives a damn?

Despite having a weak story Michael Bay manages to pull out an amazing feat…With almost no story he completely riddles his movie with the most GAPING plot holes this side of 2007’s Premonition. There are stark inconsistencies from the first movie, and then further continuity issues within the film including but, not limited to, characters suddenly disappearing, entire scenarios changing for no reason, and iffy effects. Anyone who can coherently explain the details of this film must be so strung out on Ritalin that even Limbaugh would be in awe.

I won’t go into details but, Revenge of the Fallen isn’t the worst movie ever made, the action is still fun but, not enough to save the film. Its a summer movie and don’t go in expecting to be engaged in a story driven plot. This is Michael Bay’s “Kiss my ass” moment to all of his united nay-sayers, its hard to believe that in this day and age a movie with nothing going on can cost millions of dollars and make it back within a few days, it goes to show you that no matter how sophisticated we get at telling stories, we’re still just cavemen entranced by fire.

Grading:

Story: C –

Action:  B+

Music: B-

Acting: C

Overall: C-

Skip it if you really can, the ten to twelve bucks you’d pay are better used on buying yourself a train ticket to somewhere where this movie doesn’t exist.

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