3D – America’s New Threat!

“The world is getting stranger”

Well that’s true! Here we are in 2010 the new decade, everything is becoming, smaller, shinier and more ‘efficient’. Our Ipods make calls, our phones play music and our playstations “only does everything”.

And in the midst of the cultural and technological storm we see the resurgence of Three Dimensions! Ah, yes the same technology that gave us Jaws 3D is coming back to take over the world. Now every movie you can find in theaters can be found in “eye popping 3D”, so for all those who have been dying for the next Miley Cyrus movie have her seem actually there…you’re in luck, you can now have three dimensions of unbridle t(w)eenage angst!

But while you’re enjoying the bachelorette on your new 3D T.V. Terrorist maybe plotting against you!

That’s right the new invention of the 3D printer should be scaring you into a tizzy! A printer that can show you your boss’ lunch plans in ‘eye popping’ realness, could be the very thing that the scourge of the underworld has been waiting for for years!

Imagine: a secluded cave in Afghanistan, five men in mask stand over a machine as it pumps and groans out a piece of paper. When it churns out their prize they jump in excitement and standing in their hands is a 3D ticket of ‘Eclipse’!  Their devious plan is almost set, now they can go on the internet and look up bomb making materials and no longer need to use the cpacity of their brains to construct a bomb.

Think of the horror that would have ensued if the times square bomber had printed out the plans for his makeshift bomb in James Cameron realness!? All the pieces would have been aligned and precious American lives would have been lost.

All around the world people would learn which wire stops the timer and which wire detonates the bomb! Hollywood will be unable to create another suspenseful scene again!

3D technology will only help gangs, mobs and terrorist groups all over the world will no longer need to convene their top agents to go over the blue-prints for their doomsday machine. Now and Freddy Freedomfighter and Timmy Terrorist, will be able to see the ins and outs of the trigger that sparks the ammonium nitrate to explode!

Surely you can see the sheer and horrific truth about 3D. While you’re watching Na’vi fight for the freedom of Pandora, some shady eyed saboteur plans your demise with the same clarity as Toy Story 3!

Stop the 3D advancement especially the 3D printers, this July 4th it’s the only American thing to do!




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