Archive for Covington

On: Dealing With Other People.

Posted in Life with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 20, 2010 by thenewserials
People Suck

The Truth is usually written in black and white

To anyone who knows me its no surprise when I say: “I don’t like other people” Hell, I don’t even like myself that much. That’s not to say I hate everyone, it just means that when confronted with new people its more often an experience that doesn’t lead to any lasting (good) impressions.

In my head I chalk this up to being because ‘other people’ are unreliable and uninteresting but, the other part of my mind likes to be a little more reasonable and accepts that maybe the problem lies within myself somewhat.

The first issue is that I missed the pop culture boat. When I was younger I just didn’t care about listening to popular music or anything. I spent the week in the city with my mother and went to school (which ultimately resulted in watching 90’s sitcoms and PBS) and the weekends in a more suburban area relaxing (which consisted of mostly talking and playing games). What was hot on the charts didn’t really come up unless it was some sort of sweeping phenomenon like Michael Jackson. So when I entered middle school and high school I was behind on the Jonses.

The Second was that I had no interest in catching up. By the time I was high school people were established in their artist and 99% of them consisted of what was on the radio at the time. It wasn’t until my second year of high school til’ I discovered the Pretenders and totally immersed myself with their music. In the four years of high school I caught myself up on some near 30 years of music, I didn’t have time to get into the ludicrous reaggeton and rap crazes. This of course made me the odd fellow in school, not to mention my homosexuality (which became the craze at some point but, even then I wasn’t very interested in other people), the odd fellows in the school still weren’t my friends.

Ultimately I didn’t care anymore, I had been alienated from people my age over what interested me, alienated from the Gay community cause I didn’t share anything in common with the general community and the same for the Black community. My life as a recluse really was solidified.

When I went to college I didn’t think it would be more interesting, and it wasn’t. I didn’t need to interact with anyone anymore and there as no one to interact with anyway. My specific taste in music and culture still was putting me at odds with people. Except this time people were more understanding about it. instead of flat out rejection I got a series of slow rejection, whether it was people pitying me or just generally losing interest in trying to figure out my habits over time I don’t know but, the general pattern was meeting someone who was interested in me in then in 6 weeks tapering off into barely speaking.

So at this point in life, I’ve given up on other people, if I meet someone interesting I’m jaded enough  to know that patterns exist for reasons. The Human race is a slave to its previous actions, they’ll never move away from the things they’ve done because its a scary thing and with the world they’ve created there’s good reason to fear a lot of things.


On: Long Periods Without Writing

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on August 14, 2010 by thenewserials

You would think that having two personalities in my mind would make me more prolific with writing that’s not the case however. For weeks at a time (sometimes months) I will have nothing of any interest to say about anything. Sure something will happen in that time but, no one really comments on this blog anyway so there’s no reason to share with the world if the world isn’t looking.

Don’t take that as a guilt trip, it’s simple logic.

However on occasion I will think of something I think is important enough to share with the people who do come across my blog, and then I blog. My last blog post are some of the easiest to put down. I love music so sharing my experience with new and/or live music is something that comes easily.

What doesn’t come easily is a way to make the banal routines of my life come alive for you all in this blog.   Writing isn’t a challenge per se but more of a required discipline that I  haven’t totally gotten down. It comes to me in waves, sometimes as small as a tide and sometimes as large as a tsunami.

This doesn’t only apply to my blog  but, also to writing a book or short story, I have to be in a very specific mood in order to get anything down. And even then I tend not to write a whole lot in one day, sometimes I’ll pull our a page or two and be content with that because when the feeling goes…it’s gone.

The frightening thing about writing a blog is that everyone who reads it seems to expect some sort of consistency, I have friends who blog once a month on the same day every month, or vow to blog twice a week or some schedule but, I’m not able to stick to that sort of thing. As soon as writing becomes a ‘job’ so to speak, where I have to worry about getting it down in a certain amount of time or fear the deadline, I lose a boatload of interest.

I know, that’s real life, right? Sure it is and I didn’t say I wasn’t able to do it but, I just said it’s no longer as fun for me. I like to take my time and even be lazy. I spend every waking minute thinking about writing, how I want something to look and how I want it to be presented on the page and whatnot and when I get to the execution I get there.

This blog is more of a twisted therapeutic sort of engine for me to work with, I get to write whenever I want to and share it out to the world. Sure the lack of comments and viewers sometime annoy me but, that’s not really the big issue. The issue is filtering through the packing peanuts in my mind to find the really fragile things and bringing them into some sort of like in reality.

With two people in my mind constantly trying to find a way to appease each other there’s often a lot of interesting stuff that gets cut on the editing room floor. I just can’t express EVERYTHING sometimes, mostly because I think a lot of what I say is common sense, but I’m not a common guy and this isn’t a common world and so maybe I ought to consider getting over my personal misgivings with my writing and just put it out there.

I often have this vendetta against artist, like painters and sculptures and cartoonist; maybe not a vendetta but a jealousy because for them the final product of the art is there and can be beheld with the eye. For me I have to then embark on a new journey to get people to read what has taken me a year to write and thats the hardest part of all.

You would think that people would be jumping for joy over the fantastic like: Dreams and the damaged infrastructure in the mind of a semi-psychotic but, people really aren’t. Maybe they think it’s silly or overly-dramatic but, no one cares that much and in some degrees neither do I. I’m still entertained by very simple things like Soap Operas. I watch All My Children everyday as if it were something that will feed my starving stomach. It’s one of the few things that both my personalities will agree to doing but, who wants to sit here and read about how much I dislike Ryan Lavery or think Marissa Tasker needs to buy a clue.

Maybe someone, I guess but, often I don’t feel like it’s a worthy subject to start ranting about in a blog.

I guess part of me still feels like I’ve stumbled into this writing thing, Like maybe I don’t deserve to even be doing it. I love it though, I just like taking my time as well, maybe if i had an actual job writing I would think differently about it but, as of now I don’t. And even when I worked for my school magazine I waited til submission day to do something and it was still pretty good.

What I need is for someone to take me seriously, seriously enough so that we can work together. I work fine alone but, I think ultimately I feel comfortable if I have someone to bounce ideas off of and craft together with. I’ve been alone all my life so maybe that’s why.

I should write a comic book and work with an artist (maybe that would ease some of the jealousy) and put it out one day. That sounds like it could be a barrel of monkeys!

Now let’s see if anyone’s interested…

On Headaches

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 14, 2010 by thenewserials

The Universe Swells.

Sometimes, as my mind is simultaneously thinking about what’s about to happen and what has already been done, I am subjected to headaches.

When this happens, I’m almost totally paralyzed. Yes, a headache to the two minds is like breaking a leg on the one body. Everything stops, I can’t focus, I groan a lot and nothing seems to satisfy me. Even worse today is a cloudy day, the lack of sunlight is really effecting my mood.

Though I’m still in the same state of gratuitous wallowing, the situation seems more bleak and unforgiving today. It’s dark in here but; turning on  a light will knock me to the ground in a fit.

I think Headaches may just be the other part of my brain trying to gain dominance. Sometimes I can hear ‘Bryant’ speaking loudly about things I’m doing right or wrong. As of right now he’s yelling at the television about Jay Behar’s battle with a co-host on the View.

The strange thing is that whenever I get a headache it’s always on the right side of my head, and the muscle hurts. Bryant insist that if it’s a tumor I should name it “Bryant” accordingly. I find that ridiculous, how could I pass up the chance to call my tumor Ahnold?

In the tagline of this blog It says that there’s a universe in my mind, and there is. It’s large and inhabited by an infinite amount of subjects. When the headaches occur I lose track of the different provinces of the universe, when the headache leaves its a manic search for the misplaced ones.

Entire story ideas, lost or misplaced. I’ll be thinking about the Novel and people I knew Maxi Abahlluh from the first grade will suddenly appear talking about the events of 1993.

It’s a complicated matter and It all leads to a lot of sorting out at the end, during the headaches sometimes there’s construction and there’s a whole new city or town in the universe. One more thing to keep track of…ugh.

I hate these things

By the way what kind of self-respecting man can do what Tyler Perry does. I understand getting black actors to work but, making them look like Buffoons with unimaginative, unoriginal and sophomoric scripts is not the way to go.

Anyway, I had a thought I was going to put down but; I got distracted about James Brolin talking about belly dancing kids. oh yeah:

I watched Jaws yesterday, one of my favorite films, Robert Shaw is amazing, just one of the finest under-appreciated actors. His monologue about the U.S.S. Indianapolis is the kind of thing director’s dreams are made of. And Speilberg…I’m not  a big Speilberg fan, I enjoy a good portion of his movies but; I don’t see anything wildly amazing in his director.

Jaws however; breaks that train of thought, there are some amazing visuals and techniques used in Jaws and even though I’ve seen it a good amount of times, I’m always surprised by what I see.

Ugh, by the severity of this beating in my mind, the Donald Trump of my mind is building another tower.

You can find me ( and all my minds) at:

From The Minds of a Cereal Killer: On Writing a Novel

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 12, 2010 by thenewserials

Let me preface this with: I’m Lazy.

Trying to write this novel has been something akin to getting into a relationship with a person who is perfect one day and then totally wrong the next day. I tried the forceful ‘write everyday’ approach but, that didn’t bring me any pleasure. Now I’m, seemingly, on hiatus from writing the novel. I haven’t written since about the time I was in school and I feel content with not writing until I go back.

there’s something about writing that I just can’t get into if I’m not in the mood. The words will be in my mind but; they won’t come out the right way and so instead of putting out something forced and contrived I prefer not to put anything out at all. When I used to write by hand I would always do it when I was supposed to be doing something else. I wrote in school all the time during class, so much so that it got me into trouble. Sometimes I would write on the train but; I would rarely ever write when I was at home. There was something about sitting in my own apartment and writing that seemed perverse to me, especially if my mother was home. I felt like I was masturbating or something of the like while she was around, it was something I didn’t want her to see.

When I started typing on the computer I found that I had somewhat of a 180. I could suddenly write at home with my mother home (so long as she didn’t cause a constant distraction) but, I would write by hand and then transcribe later, writing the same thing twice NEVER appealed to me.

Now I write in school again just not during class time (well maybe sometimes) and I find I’m able to write a little more thoroughly that way. Still I can’t write for a long duration of time, it takes me quite a bit of time to write a page or two and when I’ve used up the creative juices they’re gone for the day. However the two pages that I get down I’ll be proud of and ultimately will be a good product.

Now the challenge is to get motivated more often, the feeling of plowing through a section of the novel is extremely gratifying but; equal to the horrid, wretched failure of not being able to look at the novel without feeling some sort of dread.

And even though I can’t write every day the story is constantly going on in my head, scenes play continuously, backwards, forwards in slow motion, sped up. I see every ounce of the story in my mind in vivid detail. It’s both amazing and terrible because I can experience the greatness that I’m about to create but; sometimes I simply just cannot place what I see on the paper.

The images run perpendicular to my thoughts so I’m able to think and imagine the story at the same time. It’s rare (extremely so) that I’ll be lost in a trance thinking about the story and not be aware of my surroundings. I can look at the halls of my college and be equally aware of where I am as well as see the halls as any given location in the novel.

It’s like having two TVs in your brain playing different programs at once, both at the same volume and image resolution. Every so often I can see the novel world in front of my eyes but; the images gets stuck as if its missing a piece of a reel. When that happens I’ll often act out the scene playing out whatever characters I have to find what’s most effective and natural. This could go on from a couple of seconds to about fifteen minutes. I’ll talk to myself in the inflection of each character, and i’ll do it several times, over and over until I feel I’ve gotten it right. Of course sometimes this’ll draw the stares and strange questions from stranger who don’t understand what’s going on but; that only helps me put the characters into the real world.

I live in NYC so I take public transportation most of the time but; when I am able to ride in a car to go somewhere and I get out on a highway my mind will completely go into a comparison mode. The peaks and valley’s of the terrain around me become structures in my novel and at any given point I’m able to recall the image, almost perfectly to transcribe.

The ultimate problem is that I’m not able to write as quick as I can think. At any given point of writing this novel I’ll be planning out events that happen two-hundred or three-hundred pages in the future and because I’m not there when I’m writing  I find myself disinterested or dissatisfied.

I have similar problems with screenplay writing and blogging and it’s important to note that nothing I have ever written has come out to my total approval, not even in this blog. Before I start writing I have a particular way I want everything to sound but; when It’s on the page it isn’t the same thing.

There’s more to this and as I write I’ll continue to detail the problems and the joys of writing.

In the meantime please feel free pass this blog on to someone who might not have a chance to read it and feedback is ALWAYS appreciated.

You can read my current novel here

And my collection can be found here: Covington

Again feedback on everything is appreciated

And As always I can also be found on Facebook and Twitter at: and

The Gospel of Divorce

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 27, 2010 by thenewserials

An old axiom prescribes that one should never meet their hero, in fear that the meeting might be less than spectacular. That your hero could somehow let you down and change your course of action in life.

It’s a depressing thought, spending your entire life idolizing and loving someone only to find out that they’re not who you really wanted them to be. Some of it is selfish, yes one shouldn’t expect a human being to be anything other than a human being but, what happens when one comes face to face with God?

Maybe not possible but, a common consensus seems to be that the closest way one can get to God is through organized religion. It’s an open door to knowledge, salvation and acceptance and to be apart of it one would have to marry the religion. An undying, unconditional devotion to one religion.

I knew this, I knew this from an early age. My family was married to a religion, Jesus Christ was our absolute savior and ultimate patriarch, I was married through birth but, somewhere down the line, when I wanted answers, when I sought out God on my own terms I realize that I had to divorce myself in order to learn anything.

My divorce from religion wasn’t instant, it was a gradual fall from religious grace. As I pondered the typical hypothetical and philosophical questions I found no one in my religion had any answers that didn’t seem contrived or derived from some sort of comforting lie.

I was in pain watching the world flow the way it was under my religion. It didn’t make sense that I could bow to the whim of a being of ultimate power but, that being couldn’t or wouldn’t stop the suffering I saw before my eyes.

How could I be morally expected to support a system that claimed power and dominion over all but, did not stop the madness that seemed pointless?

Even more disheartening was that the religion had somehow turned it’s back on me. I watched as people quoted scriptures and passages explaining why I was an abomination of epic proportions. I knew that these people were using the religion but still. How could my God allow them to do such a thing? Not only was their poison infecting the name of the religion, it was sieging my life and stalling it.

And so the slow divorce started and it was painful. Suddenly everything I believed in was thrown into question, I went from feeling as if I knew the most important things, to not being sure about anything.  I didn’t resort to Atheism though; I became aware that not knowing anything wasn’t as horrible as it initially sounded. I accepted that things may be that I could never really understand, or things may be just as I see it in the world with my own two eyes. I had no reason to believe one over the other both seem, wholly possible so I accepted not knowing anything and allowing myself the room to learn if it were possible.

So I divorced myself from religion, while it claimed to have answers I claimed that nothing could have all the answers, or any answers.  Religion, to me, wished to teach in confines, to teach everything within its knowledge but, I wished to learn as much as I could from an infinite source: experience.

Could I honestly anger God by seeking it out on my own by looking at His or Her world with my own eyes and not by the words of some ‘prophet’ that may or may not be a liar?

Should my faith be in man or in the evidence before my eyes?

So I filed in my mind, for fraud religion is not what I thought it was going to be. I feel more comfortable now but, it is a dubious achievement to say the least.

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