Archive for Gay

On: Dealing With Other People.

Posted in Life with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on November 20, 2010 by thenewserials
People Suck

The Truth is usually written in black and white

To anyone who knows me its no surprise when I say: “I don’t like other people” Hell, I don’t even like myself that much. That’s not to say I hate everyone, it just means that when confronted with new people its more often an experience that doesn’t lead to any lasting (good) impressions.

In my head I chalk this up to being because ‘other people’ are unreliable and uninteresting but, the other part of my mind likes to be a little more reasonable and accepts that maybe the problem lies within myself somewhat.

The first issue is that I missed the pop culture boat. When I was younger I just didn’t care about listening to popular music or anything. I spent the week in the city with my mother and went to school (which ultimately resulted in watching 90’s sitcoms and PBS) and the weekends in a more suburban area relaxing (which consisted of mostly talking and playing games). What was hot on the charts didn’t really come up unless it was some sort of sweeping phenomenon like Michael Jackson. So when I entered middle school and high school I was behind on the Jonses.

The Second was that I had no interest in catching up. By the time I was high school people were established in their artist and 99% of them consisted of what was on the radio at the time. It wasn’t until my second year of high school til’ I discovered the Pretenders and totally immersed myself with their music. In the four years of high school I caught myself up on some near 30 years of music, I didn’t have time to get into the ludicrous reaggeton and rap crazes. This of course made me the odd fellow in school, not to mention my homosexuality (which became the craze at some point but, even then I wasn’t very interested in other people), the odd fellows in the school still weren’t my friends.

Ultimately I didn’t care anymore, I had been alienated from people my age over what interested me, alienated from the Gay community cause I didn’t share anything in common with the general community and the same for the Black community. My life as a recluse really was solidified.

When I went to college I didn’t think it would be more interesting, and it wasn’t. I didn’t need to interact with anyone anymore and there as no one to interact with anyway. My specific taste in music and culture still was putting me at odds with people. Except this time people were more understanding about it. instead of flat out rejection I got a series of slow rejection, whether it was people pitying me or just generally losing interest in trying to figure out my habits over time I don’t know but, the general pattern was meeting someone who was interested in me in then in 6 weeks tapering off into barely speaking.

So at this point in life, I’ve given up on other people, if I meet someone interesting I’m jaded enough  to know that patterns exist for reasons. The Human race is a slave to its previous actions, they’ll never move away from the things they’ve done because its a scary thing and with the world they’ve created there’s good reason to fear a lot of things.


The Gospel of Divorce

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on June 27, 2010 by thenewserials

An old axiom prescribes that one should never meet their hero, in fear that the meeting might be less than spectacular. That your hero could somehow let you down and change your course of action in life.

It’s a depressing thought, spending your entire life idolizing and loving someone only to find out that they’re not who you really wanted them to be. Some of it is selfish, yes one shouldn’t expect a human being to be anything other than a human being but, what happens when one comes face to face with God?

Maybe not possible but, a common consensus seems to be that the closest way one can get to God is through organized religion. It’s an open door to knowledge, salvation and acceptance and to be apart of it one would have to marry the religion. An undying, unconditional devotion to one religion.

I knew this, I knew this from an early age. My family was married to a religion, Jesus Christ was our absolute savior and ultimate patriarch, I was married through birth but, somewhere down the line, when I wanted answers, when I sought out God on my own terms I realize that I had to divorce myself in order to learn anything.

My divorce from religion wasn’t instant, it was a gradual fall from religious grace. As I pondered the typical hypothetical and philosophical questions I found no one in my religion had any answers that didn’t seem contrived or derived from some sort of comforting lie.

I was in pain watching the world flow the way it was under my religion. It didn’t make sense that I could bow to the whim of a being of ultimate power but, that being couldn’t or wouldn’t stop the suffering I saw before my eyes.

How could I be morally expected to support a system that claimed power and dominion over all but, did not stop the madness that seemed pointless?

Even more disheartening was that the religion had somehow turned it’s back on me. I watched as people quoted scriptures and passages explaining why I was an abomination of epic proportions. I knew that these people were using the religion but still. How could my God allow them to do such a thing? Not only was their poison infecting the name of the religion, it was sieging my life and stalling it.

And so the slow divorce started and it was painful. Suddenly everything I believed in was thrown into question, I went from feeling as if I knew the most important things, to not being sure about anything.  I didn’t resort to Atheism though; I became aware that not knowing anything wasn’t as horrible as it initially sounded. I accepted that things may be that I could never really understand, or things may be just as I see it in the world with my own two eyes. I had no reason to believe one over the other both seem, wholly possible so I accepted not knowing anything and allowing myself the room to learn if it were possible.

So I divorced myself from religion, while it claimed to have answers I claimed that nothing could have all the answers, or any answers.  Religion, to me, wished to teach in confines, to teach everything within its knowledge but, I wished to learn as much as I could from an infinite source: experience.

Could I honestly anger God by seeking it out on my own by looking at His or Her world with my own eyes and not by the words of some ‘prophet’ that may or may not be a liar?

Should my faith be in man or in the evidence before my eyes?

So I filed in my mind, for fraud religion is not what I thought it was going to be. I feel more comfortable now but, it is a dubious achievement to say the least.

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Magneto Was Right!

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on July 1, 2009 by thenewserials

Early I was joking with a friend telling them that I think there needs to be a gay Magneto in the real world. Someone radical enough to stand up for gay rights without any kind of condition. It was really just a light natured, funny idea but, as I watched the news today I saw yet another anti-gay-bias attack, this has been the third attack I’ve heard of this month alone. It seems now that every week there seems to be the same thing happening: someone walking down a street is attacked by a group of people and beat mercilessly whilst being being verbally attacked with gay slurs. I’m not sure why no one seems to be addressing this, it’s important and it needs to be stopped, Sunday was the pride parade and now something like this happens again?

It feels as if the tiny media attention this gets is all one can really expect from the NYC Police department, a department that has been known to abandon fellow gay cops in danger because of their sexual orientation. The mayor doesn’t really say anything about gay…anything cept he thinks we should have marriage but, considering he isn’t in the power to do anything about that his words are pretty much useless.

So what do we need?

Someone who is unafraid to intimidate this homophobic cowards, at this point trying to be nice people hasn’t really gotten us anywhere has it?  Marriage in some states and we’re just now getting some basic rights and the gay community as a whole seems to be OK with these insults?

Correct me if I’m wrong but, aren’t all Americans supposed to have the same basic rights from birth? We’ve seen the country try to block rights based on sex and race and those have broken through the barrier with great power but, here are the gay people politely knocking on the door of equality, meekly asking if they can be let in.

Its stupid by all accounts and there’s no real articulate way to express that any better, so I think now is the time to stop playing nice and start playing hardball. Obama has been extremely slow to do ANYTHING on the rights of the LGTBQ people, the other day I saw something that said he declared June LGTBQ month, what  the hell does that mean? When wasn’t June pride month? does he think he’s doing someone a favor by giving us a month anyway? I don’t want a month I want rights and I want a crackdown on Homophobic attacks of all kinds. the Government has been issuing insults to the Gay community for years; saying outright that we as a people aren’t good enough to have the same things Heterosexuals have and no one seems to be mad about that. Its time to get MAD its time to start breaking shit, sorry to say. I don’t condone violence at all but, when everyone is ignoring you and your dying on the side of the road its time to start throwing rocks at cars to get someones attention.

By any means Necessary has to be the new motto for the LGTBQ community, if they don’t want to give us our rights then we have be prepared to take our fist and choke it out of them, in the end if they will not empathize with us then they should truly fear what we may do to prove how serious we are. This country would not RUN without the many LGTBQ people working in its innards and making sure the Heterosexual people can live comfortable fair and legally protected lives. If need be then the Gay community needs to go to those same innards we work in and rip them out one by one and let the machine of injustice slowly die until they’re ready to begin serious talks.

The crippling effect of the blow will force out some terrible opponents but, what can they do to us that they already aren’t doing? They’ve broken our families, denied our health, sold our jobs, belittled our rights. We are a SECOND class of citizens in a country where one can prostitute themselves and their children in perverse manners to entertain and make money.

They think we’re going to sit back and be complacent until we forget we have rights and its time to stand up and show them its the opposite. That we aren’t going to wait a DAY longer for rights. We’ve lost too many people in a battle we haven’t even begun to fight. DEAD gay men and women, tied to trees, beaten, abused, raped, left for dead, abandoned by their fellow man, now its time to strike back so that years from now THEIR children’s children will cringe at our terrible might and then maybe they will begin to take us seriously.

But alas our Gay and Lesbian ‘leaders’ are weak and fearful. They stand under their bosses as lapdogs and take the scraps like sick, famished children. We need them to be put out of their misery and REMOVED from their offices and replaced with people who will not be afraid to look the unmoving President in the eye and tell him that TOMORROW is not insured that the rights of our people must be given today or HE will face an uprising against him so strong that not even his historic win in November will be able to survive the tarnishing glory of our demands!

If they will not give us our rights then we need to TAKE them BACK. We are HUMAN and we have RIGHTS and we will gain them NOW not later and God save anyone who stands in our way!